Capricorn
by janedoe144
Summary: Finished! A little more GC and NS and how those folks ended up the goat.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: These guys don't belong to me. Author's Note: Some friends of mine recently acquired an orphaned goat. He's quite a handful. I thought this might be amusing.  
  
Summary: Let's have some fun! Grissom gets attacked at a crime scene. It's not what you think!  
  
Rating: PG - 13 Spoiler(s): None  
  
Gil Grissom carefully began the initial walk through of the dark house. Catherine Willows waited just inside the front door. He had made a quick cursory examination of most of the downstairs and found little of interest. He returned to the foyer. "Looks like the back door was forced. It was partially open." He stated standing at the foot of the stairs. "I'll check out the upstairs and we'll get started."  
  
Just then some small white critter crashed into his legs. Startled, he jumped three feet in the air, crashed down, and ended up on his back. He was soon embroiled in a tussle with the creature. Catherine trained her flashlight on him. He was sprawled at the foot of the stairs with the creature on his chest. She began to giggle when she realized he was okay and the creature was, in fact, a goat.  
  
"Get off me, you little bastard!" He exclaimed. He managed to subdue the goat and gather it in his arms. "Why do these people have a goat in the house? You can't be in here." He informed the goat as it began to nuzzle his neck. Catherine tried unsuccessfully to quell her giggles as she followed him out the front door.  
  
Grissom halted in front of Brass, Nick and Warrick who had just arrived. The goat located his ear lobe and began to suck on it. "Stop that!" He commanded the unheeding goat. Now everyone present was trying to suppress laughter. He struggled with the goat, attempting to hold it in one arm and detach it from his ear with the other.  
  
"Ah, he's just a baby, Gris. I bet he's hungry." Catherine said as she tried to help him between giggle fits.  
  
"Here." He thrust the goat into Nick's arms. "Do something with this goat."  
  
"Hey! Why me? I don't know anything about goats." Nick protested as he began struggling with the writhing goat.  
  
"You're from Texas." Grissom replied, applying some vague logic that Texans were genetically predisposed with the ability to deal with all manner of domestic farm animals. He located a handkerchief and began scrubbing the offensive goat saliva from his ear.  
  
"We should probably call a vet. I doubt Animal Control will know what to do with a goat." Catherine offered.  
  
"Okay, you guys take care of that. I'll finish the walk through." Grissom said as he eyed the front door with trepidation. He wondered if the goat had any relatives remaining in the domicile. He took a deep breath and re- entered the house. 


	2. Grissom's Goat

"Hey, what's with the goat, Nicky?" Sara Sidle inquired having just arrived at the scene and observing his latest acquisition.  
  
"You don't wanna know." Nick groaned. Catherine had located a length of rope and fashioned a makeshift halter around the kid's head. It was easier to restrain him. However, he periodically began nibbling on a knee-high fold in Nick's pants when not being carefully monitored.  
  
"Gris and the attack of the Killer Baby Goat!" Warrick tossed out with a chortle. "This'll go down in the annals of CSI history."  
  
"I think that goat really got his goat." Brass added, grinning at his pun. He then proceeded to fill Sara in on what they knew so far. Elderly neighbor called the police after hearing strange noises and thought the house was being burglarized. The officers responding found the back door ajar, apparently forced. They also saw bodies in one of the upstairs rooms covered in blood. Grissom was performing the initial walk through when the 'guard goat' attacked him.  
  
Catherine was busy interviewing the neighbor who had called in the disturbance. "I heard strange noises over there. I didn't know they had another goat." The neighbor referred to the kid in Nick's possession.  
  
"Do they have goats often?" Catherine inquired.  
  
"Once in a while they get a goat and have it for a couple of weeks. Although, it's usually not one as young as that, then they have a big barbecue, and afterward, the goat is gone." The elderly lady responded, then added. "I'm always glad when the goat is gone. They're noisy and smelly; but I do feel kinda sorry for the poor things."  
  
Catherine thanked the lady then returned to the group to inform them. "Apparently these folks have goat barbecues. Weird, Huh?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. My upstairs neighbor pees off the balcony." Sara rejoined.  
  
"Really?" Catherine responded.  
  
"Yep, he's a goat roper." Sara giggled out, unable to resist joining in on the pun fun by employing the term one of the lab techs used for 'pseudo cowboy'.  
  
"How did you discover his, ah, elimination habits?" Catherine asked, suppressing her own giggle.  
  
"A couple of weeks ago I was doing laundry. The washer and dryer are in a little storage room on the side of the balcony in my apartment complex. I was folding some clothes when he stumbled out on the balcony and proceeded to pee." Sara replied. She did not add that he had missed the car parked below by a good two feet which she assumed was his intended target. However, she was careful not to park her car directly in front of the balcony from then on in fear he might have fellow balcony pissers for friends who were better equipped.  
  
A short time later, Grissom came out of the house with a look of disgust plastered on his features. "The bodies are mannequins. The blood is red paint." He said and held up a paint can, which he had found overturned. "I think the place was burglarized but I believe the perpetrator of the 'murder' is him." He indicated the goat. He knelt down in front of the goat and lifted one of his legs to examine the hoof expecting to find red paint traces. Unfortunately, this placed his ear back in the proximity of the goat's mouth. The goat latched on to his ear. He ended up on his ass in his attempt to fend off the goat. He let out a string of expletives any sailor would have been proud of as Nick dragged the goat away.  
  
"That goat really likes your ear, Gris. Anything you care to share with us?" Brass said between chuckles. Grissom glared at him from his seated position on the driveway. He found his hanky and for the second time in one night cleaned goat saliva off his ear. He stood up, brushed off and attempted to regain his composure.  
  
"Okay. I think Catherine and Nick can handle this one. Warrick and Sara, you have a homicide in Henderson, convenience store robbery that ended in a shoot out." He handed Sara the slip of paper and looked at them all expectantly. When no one moved, he added. "Nicky, get rid of that goat!" He stalked toward his Denali.  
  
"What're you gonna do?" Catherine questioned his retreating form still giggling.  
  
"Wash the goat spit off my ear." He grumbled under his breath and made his escape. 


	3. buddy billy

Grissom was peering at a minute particle of evidence through a microscope when he heard a noise that nearly made his blood curdle. He kept his face at the microscope and listened intently. A second soft bleat emanated from near the open door. He whipped up from the microscope and snapped his head toward the door. There he was; that damned goat! He jumped up from the lab stool sending it crashing to the floor. The goat jumped back; then eased back to the open door, gazing at him expectantly. Grissom glowered at the goat. It took a couple more steps into the room and let out another forlorn bleat.  
  
Grissom vainly tried to keep his heart hardened but the goat seemed rather pathetic. One ear flopped down, at an approximately forty-five degree angle, and the other barely made a thirty-degree upward angle. It was dragging the ragged rope behind it. He decided that, maybe, it was kinda cute. He approached carefully, hunkered down in front of it and began to scratch it under the chin. The goat appeared to like this as he stretched his neck out and tilted his little head up toward Grissom.  
  
"Stay away from my ears and we'll get along fine, you little menace." Grissom cautioned.  
  
Meanwhile, Nick and Catherine returned to the break room from checking in evidence to retrieve the goat. It was gone. They began a frantic search of the CSI building. They were racing down the hall, pausing to search each side room when they skidded to a halt. Grissom was leading the goat out of one of the labs. The little goat was cavorting at the end of the lead and Grissom wore a bemused expression.  
  
"We are so dead, Cath." Nick moaned.  
  
"I thought I told you to get rid of this goat, Nick." Grissom demanded, spotting them.  
  
"Gris, nobody would take it! I tried, honest." Nick stammered. "The vet we called said 'he didn't 'do' farm animals', Animal Control wouldn't take him and another vet that did 'do' farm animals required a hefty deposit. I figured I'd take Billy home with me. Hopefully, those people will show up soon and take him back."  
  
"Billy?" Grissom questioned.  
  
"Yeah, as in Billy Goat Gruff." Nick admitted, referring to the children's fable that had been dear to his heart as a child; chagrin plastered on his handsome features.  
  
The little goat that was worming its way into their hearts hunched up and deposited a few pellets. They were all aghast. Grissom caught its chin in his hand and glared into its eyes. "You may not defecate on the laboratory floor." He declared. The goat, unaware of its misdeed, merely rubbed his chin against Grissom's hand hoping for a few more scratches.  
  
"Uh, I'll get him outa here Gris." Nick snatched the rope from Grissom's hand and hurried the goat down the hall.  
  
"I'll take care of that." Catherine said, indicating the goat pellets, and escaped to find some paper towels.  
  
Grissom, with a weary sigh, returned to his microscopic study. 


	4. Wyoming Boys!

Catherine cleaned up the goat turds and flushed them down the toilet. She eased up to the open door of the lab Grissom was occupying. She leaned in the doorway watched him for a moment to determine his true mood. Besides, she just liked to watch him when he was unaware she was present. She also liked to estimate how long it would take him to realize he was being observed. "3..,2..,1, now!" She mentally counted down, as Grissom lifted his head from the microscope, a slight frown on his features. He looked at her, eyes narrowing, as he observed her bemused expression.  
  
"All cleaned up, I presume." He stated.  
  
"Yep." She replied. "Bad night, hum?"  
  
"Well, yeah. First, I get called out early and scrambled the whole team for 'the double homicide that wasn't,' then I was molested by a goat twice in one night. I think that qualifies as a bad night." He answered; however, a little smile was playing around his lips.  
  
"Umm, I always heard about Wyoming boys and sheep, but I didn't know about California boys and goats." Catherine said playfully.  
  
"Wyoming boys and sheep?" He questioned, although he wasn't sure he wanted to know.  
  
"Yeah, Wyoming, where the men are men, and the sheep are afraaaaaaid!" She giggled.  
  
He laughed, despite himself. He shouldn't encourage her but he couldn't resist. "I'm definitely not into bestiality. So, what do the Wyoming folks say about Montana boys."  
  
"Probably something similar." She responded. "You up for breakfast?"  
  
"Certainly. Let me take care of a couple of things. Your place?" He inquired.  
  
"Yeah, Lindsey loves it when you make breakfast." Catherine said, she couldn't help herself so she added with a wicked little grin. "Maybe you'll get molested again."  
  
He grinned back at her. "Maybe I'd like that, as long as no goat spit is involved."  
  
"Cross my heart." She replied. 


	5. Boxers, yummy!

"Hey, Nicky! You still have that goat?" Sara greeted, as Nick entered the break room, goat in tow. She and Warrick were seated at the table.  
  
"Don't remind me." Nick muttered. He tied the goat to a table leg. "Stay!" He admonished.  
  
"I don't think that works with goats, Nick." Warrick observed, as the goat immediately began a frantic tug-o-war with the table.  
  
"That little asshole ate a hole in my favorite Aggie boxers." Nick grumbled, pouring himself a cup of coffee.  
  
"Now you know why they call'em kids." Catherine said from the doorway, having just arrived.  
  
"Serves you right for leaving your underwear on the floor." Sara surmised, assuming that, Nick, like all men left his underwear wherever they fell.  
  
"They weren't on the floor." Nick indignantly responded. "They were hanging on the bedpost. I happen to like to sleep nude!"  
  
"Whoa, way too much info, bro!" Warrick sputtered wiping coffee dribbles from his chin.  
  
Sara and Catherine giggled as they glanced at each other. Nick's face blazed bright red as he realized what he had just uttered. He busied himself with the goat. Sara gazed at her hands in her lap as unbidden thoughts of Nick, naked in bed, meandered through her mind. She couldn't seem to shake the appealing image, of a rumpled sheet not quite covering his fine bare ass, from her mind. "Maybe one leg would be outside the sheet," she thought as she continued to dwell on her pleasant little fantasy.  
  
"I see you still have your little friend, Nick." Grissom said as he entered the break room to hand out assignments. He quietly assessed his team. Nick was keeping his head down, apparently embarrassed by something; Catherine and Warrick were both attempting to keep smirks off their faces, and Sara was, apparently, off in never, never land.  
  
"Sara? You with us?" Grissom asked, intruding on her reverie.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Just, ah, woolgathering." Sara blushed furiously. A quick glance at Catherine and Warrick told her they had a pretty good idea where her thoughts had been.  
  
"Okay, you two still have evidence to process on the convenience store homicide, correct?" Grissom asked and caught Warrick's eye.  
  
"Yeah, we should have lab results by now, too." Warrick replied.  
  
"And, I suppose there's not much going on with 'The Great Goat Caper' either?" This time he caught Catherine's gaze.  
  
"Nope, not 'til we hear from Brass." Catherine replied.  
  
"Well, we only have one case. I'll take it. Cath, you're with me. Nick, hold down the fort and try to keep that goat from decimating the lab." With that everyone left except poor Nick.  
  
"Billy, I hope those people come for you tonight. You are one royal pain- in-the-ass, but I won't hold that against you. Ahh, you're such a cutie!" He told Billy as the little goat pranced around and butted him in the knee. "I tell you what, first opportunity, you butt Hodges in the crotch and I'll forgive all. Okay, Little buddy?" He began scratching the goat behind the ears. 


	6. lab pranks

Nick was playing with Billy a couple of hours later when Greg and Archie popped into the break room.  
  
"Whoa, what's with the goat, Nick?" Greg inquired.  
  
"Uh, he's part of a crime scene. I'm keepin' him 'til the owners get back in town and reclaim him." Nick explained.  
  
"Ah, he's cute! What's his name?" Archie exclaimed. He sat in the chair beside Nick and began rubbing the little goat behind the ears.  
  
"Billy, although I'm not sure that's his 'official' name. I sorta decided to call him that. What're you guys up to?" Nick asked.  
  
"Well, we've got a breather for awhile and thought we might play a little Blackjack. Looks like you got better fun, though." Greg answered, then raced out of the break room.  
  
"Where's he going?" Nick drawled.  
  
"Who knows." Archie replied.  
  
After a short while, Greg returned with one of his juggling balls. "Hey, let's see if he likes to play ball!" With that, he rolled the ball across the floor in the front of the goat.  
  
"He's not a puppy, you idiot!" Archie informed.  
  
"Okay, so he doesn't fetch but he looked pretty interested in that ball." Greg replied. He retrieved the ball and rolled it straight at the little goat. They were all surprised when he splayed his little front legs and stopped the ball with his nose. He cocked his head at the ball, gazed at it for a second, then whacked it back toward Greg with his nose.  
  
"Oh, man, that's great!" Nick cried. After a few minutes, they were all out in the hall taking turns rolling the ball to the goat. It was all great fun until Hodges chose an untimely moment to exit the lab he was occupying. He tripped over the goat, papers flying in all directions, and bounced his nose firmly on the linoleum floor. Nick sped in, scooped up the goat and whisked him into Grissom's office.  
  
"He, He, good job, little guy!" He whispered, affectionately scratching the goat behind the ears, as he hid behind one of the shelves lined with specimens. "Let's just make sure you're okay." He began to examine the goat for injury.  
  
"Dude, you alright!" Greg gasped. He rushed into the break room and grabbed a roll of paper towels.  
  
"I think so, what was that?" Hodges sat up and tried to stem the flow of blood from his nose.  
  
"What was what?" Archie inquired.  
  
"What did I trip over?" Hodges snuffled exasperatedly.  
  
"Your own feet? I didn't see anything else. How 'bout you?" Archie nudged Greg.  
  
"I didn't see a thing, except you taking a dive into floor. Man, that had to hurt. Maybe you ought to go get it checked. You might have a broken nose or something."" Greg affirmed.  
  
Hodges rubbed his jaw a little; then decided that maybe Greg was right. "Yeah, maybe I should get this checked. It hurts like hell. I think my front teeth are loose."  
  
He stumbled off toward the exit to the CSI building. Greg and Archie high- fived each other as he disappeared. "Maybe one of us should go with him." Archie suggested as they sat about gathering up Hodges' papers.  
  
"With that hard head, no way. He'll be okay, unfortunately." Greg replied. He walked to the entrance of Grissom's office and called out. "Hey, Nick, you can come out now." 


	7. Grissom's Office

"Hey, Archie, could you keep an eye on Billy for awhile?" Nick asked.  
  
"What?" Archie's eyes widened and his eyebrows nearly met his hairline as he took in the sight of Nick and the baby goat.  
  
"Hey, man, everybody is out on a case. I got a call about a mugging and attempted robbery down on the strip. I can't show up with a goat!" Nick pleaded.  
  
"Okay, I suppose, but you owe me, big time." Archie replied with a great deal of reservation. Nick handed him the rope that kept the little goat tethered.  
  
"Great!" Nick enthused. He turned in the doorway and instructed. "There's a baby bottle in the break room fridge with a sticky that says 'Billy', warm it up a little, and feed it to him in two hours. Look, you gotta keep a close eye on him 'cause he gets into things. And, take him outside for a walk every hour or so, so you don't have messes to clean up." Nick fled down the hall before Archie could change his mind.  
  
"Geez, what have I got myself into?" Archie muttered to himself as he peered at Billy. He and the goat engaged in a mild stare down contest. Finally, Billy decided he was entirely tuckered out. He folded his little front legs and plopped down on the floor beside Archie's stool. He curled up, tucked his tiny nose into the space between his hind legs and let out a heavy sigh. One ear twitched a couple times. After a few minutes, he was fast asleep, dreaming baby goat dreams.  
  
"Wow!" Archie exclaimed. He carefully set the alarm on his watch to go off in two hours. Surely, he needn't walk the goat if it was asleep. He decided he would take it for a little walk then feed it. "Piece a cake." He thought as he dropped the rope to the floor beside the goat.  
  
The alarm went off two hours later; however, he noticed that Billy was still fast asleep. Archie had several reports to deliver and it was getting close to end of shift. A little more time wouldn't matter, so he headed off to deliver reports. It wouldn't take long.  
  
When he returned, Billy was gone! He was just about to begin a frantic search of the lab when he heard Grissom exclaim. "You little Bastard!" "Oh, no!" Archie thought. Then Grissom shouted out. "Nick!"  
  
Archie, Greg and Catherine skidded to a halt at Grissom's door. Grissom was just inside and Billy was standing on his desk munching on his new Port- A-Bug ventilated Bug Habitat. He had chewed the webbed nylon handle completely off. Files, paperwork and other items from Grissom's desk were strewn haphazardly on the floor around his desk. Grissom approached his desk and glared balefully at Billy. The little goat strolled forward and began rubbing his head against Grissom's belly. Grissom looked down, closed his eyes and clenched his fists. Catherine knew he was counting to ten. She took the opportunity to slip in and gather the goat in her arms. Grissom opened one eye and cast a scowl in her direction.  
  
"Better get you outa here, baby." She whispered to Billy and headed for the door. She handed the goat over to Greg and told him and Archie. "Hide, now!" They were off in a flurry of lab coat tails and alarmed goat bleats. 


	8. Billy goes home

"Hi, is Mr. Nick Stokes here?" A lady with a little girl inquired at the front desk.  
  
"Let me check." The receptionist replied. She checked the sign out log. "No, he's not back in yet." She spied Nick coming up the walk. "Um, that's him coming in the building now."  
  
The lady turned around. "Mr. Stokes?"  
  
"Yes." Nick responded.  
  
"I'm Rebecca Janapolis and this is my daughter Emily. I understand you have Zeus, our goat."  
  
"Zeus? Hmm, I guess that's a good name. I've been calling him Billy. He's here at the lab." Nick replied.  
  
"I hope he hasn't been too much trouble. He's quite a handful. We really didn't know what we were getting into when we took him." She said.  
  
"Oh, he hasn't been all that bad. How did you end up with a baby goat?" He asked the question everyone wanted answered.  
  
"Well, we were at my husband's uncle's place, he was gonna kill him because the nanny goat died in labor and Zeus was just too young to fend for himself. Emily became very upset so we decided to adopt him." She explained.  
  
"Oh, that reminds me, I have some of his formula and a couple of bottles at my house. I'll drop them by this evening on my way in to work if that's okay. One of my co-workers grew up on a ranch and figured out how to take care of him." He paused. "I suppose you spoke with Detective Brass since you knew where Billy, I mean Zeus, was. Did you find anything missing?"  
  
"Oh, we weren't robbed. My husband broke the back door last Thursday night when Zeus caught him unaware and did one of his attack goat maneuvers. My brother-in-law was taking care of Zeus over the weekend and was going to fix the door Saturday. But, he got a call that his son had been in an accident. He rushed off and left Zeus out of the dog kennel we keep him in and left the back door ajar. So, Zeus got in the house and made quite the mess. Um, I'm a part-time Interior Decorator. I design displays for one of the department stores downtown so that's why I have the mannequins, paint and stuff. I'm so sorry you were all called out on a false alarm. I hate that your time was wasted." She said with complete sincerity.  
  
"That's okay. My boss experienced 'the attack goat maneuver' first hand and we all got a pretty good laugh at his expense. We don't often get cases where someone wasn't actually harmed. It was kind of a nice break. I'll go get Zeus and bring him out to you. Okay?" He gave her and Emily his best reassuring smile. 


	9. epilogue

"I gotta get Lindsey off to school but it is Monday." Catherine said somewhat hopefully.  
  
Grissom considered this. Monday afternoon was Lindsey and her cousin's dance class in Henderson. Catherine's sister picked her up from school and kept her overnight. It gave Catherine a little extra time, for sleep or whatever, as she put it.  
  
"I have a mess to clean up here." He stated, although he was really only seeking a little further coddling from Catherine.  
  
"We can finish this tonight. It's not particularly busy. Everybody can help and we'll get all the papers back in the appropriate files. We'll print out new reports for the ones that were messed up." She hesitantly indicated the ones in the middle of the goat piddle on his desk. "It won't take long. Come on, I'll get Linds off to school and meet you at your place." She wheedled.  
  
"Look at my Port-A-Bug Habitat. It's ruined. I didn't even get to try it out." He groused.  
  
"Gil, it only cost nine dollars. We can go to that little Thai restaurant tonight and pick up another one on the way into work." She soothingly offered.  
  
"I'm just feeling a little violated." He grumbled, a petulant little smile playing around his lips.  
  
"Well, is there anything I can do that will make you feel better?" She inquired with an arched eyebrow.  
  
"Well, maybe." He acknowledged. He whispered in her ear.  
  
"I think I could arrange that." Catherine gave him a wicked little grin and sauntered out of his office, allowing him plenty of time to admire the view.  
  
At the front doors of the CSI building, Nick watched Zeus caper down the sidewalk with his family. He was a little sad. Sara watched him from the hall. "He's such a sweet guy. Who else would get so attached to an obnoxious little goat." She sighed.  
  
"Hey, cowboy, wanna get some steak and eggs for breakfast." Sara inquired as she approached him.  
  
"Um, I suppose." Nick responded then added. "Hey! I thought you were a vegetarian."  
  
"I can't eat pork, yet. But, I'm determined to overcome this, and I don't think goat will be on my list any time soon. Chicken, turkey and beef are fine. So, steak and eggs, maybe a beer or two?" She nudged.  
  
"Yeah, goat is definitely not on my list either. You know, it's really nice of you to cheer me up. I didn't think I would get so attached." He said with a grin as wide as the western skies and looped an arm around her waist.  
  
"Maybe you oughta get a puppy." She suggested.  
  
"Nope, I don't think so." He vetoed the idea as he slipped his hand in hers.  
  
"Okay, how 'bout a girlfriend." Sara proposed, thinking she still had that lacy little red number in her lingerie drawer.  
  
"That would depend on the girl in question." He drawled with a wink and a smile.  
  
As they made their way to the parking lot, a taxi pulled up and Hodges shakily exited the back. "I'll only be a minute." He told the driver. As he turned around, they caught sight of his face. He had a huge bandage over his nose, both his eyes were blackened, and he had a nasty purplish bruise spreading across his chin.  
  
"What happened to you?" Sara exclaimed.  
  
"I tripped over something and fell." He morosely stated, snuffled, winced then rushed off. He really didn't want to discuss it.  
  
"He looks like a reverse raccoon." Sara said, then added. "I wonder what happened?"  
  
"I believe he fell victim to 'Billy, The Attack Goat'!" Nick replied with a chuckle.  
  
"No! Three cheers for the Goat!" Sara gleefully cried. She grabbed Nick by the arm. "You gotta tell me the whole story!"  
  
"Over breakfast, I promise." He responded. 


End file.
